momma always told me not to look into the eyes of the sun. . .

Might be too late, but now Id love to hear your voice
Reading words can only do so much for me
Youre out of touch and Im not even reaching out
Give me something real, give me something real

Id put the whole world in reverse for you
Retrace the steps that I once thought I knew
The less I sympathize
The less you pull through
Again Ill try, yeah

Ill call you at a better time
To let you know that everythings alright
Now theres no excuse
When it all come down to size
I never meant to keep you waiting

Another page from the calendars ripped out
The clock stopped ticking
I no longer hear a sound
Lost track of days
Wasting away as time goes by
Slowly finding out what really matters to me now

I would put the world on pause for you
And notice things you never thought I knew
The less I sympathize
The less you pull through
Again Ill try, yeah

Ill call you at a better time
To let you know that everythings alright
Now theres no excuse
When it all come down to size
I never meant to keep you

The less I sympathize
The less you pull through
But I still try, yeah

Ill call you at a better time
To let you know that everythings alright
Now theres no excuse
When it all come down to size
Now theres no excuse
When it all come down to size
Now theres no excuse
When it all come down to size

Just something that makes me think.

So Joe and Andrew are back in my life and that makes me happy! Plus I am starting to hang out with Lizzy again! She was one of those crazy Milford Drama kids I missed when I left home forever to make a new life. But we have been hanging out a bit the last few days. The only thing that was odd was the other day when we went to go get lunch. I thought I was set and ready to start a new life. I had a long hard summer where nothing made sense anymore. My best friend in the world left me, granted I was gone for a year and shouldn't have expected anything less, but I was still more hurt then I really ever have been. My girl friends come and go. It is just how it is. But a friend like Green I though would never leave. I always had this saying, "girlfriends come and go, but when you have to make a choice friends are gonna be the ones who stick around forever". That is what I thought; She didn't. I'm not saying that is a bad thing. I was in the wrong and I know that. I don't agree with everything she said but I was wrong. Anyways so I am shattered and here I am, back at home with everything that I wished for all summer along, and the bomb drops. "this is from green *hug* and she says I'm sorry". . .
I think Lizzy saw it on my face. I didn't know what to feel. It was the strangest array of emotions that I had ever felt. It started with lots of joy and finished with complete destruction. I still don't know what to feel. Should I call her? try and talk to her? I dunno. What is the point of writing this all down? I'm just trying to find an out I suppose. This year will be an odd one.

I feel as though I'm stuck in my Se leading function where I will just move on like I always do. I don't want to. I want a group to call my own. I want a real best friend. I want someone for ME. we will see. SEE is for me! and who says they can't be socially fulfilled?

You don't even know what love is. . .

You can't even begin to know what "honest true love" is until you have it in return and bask in the glory of it for a good amount of time. Then, once you loose it and are killed by the emotion, you realize what it truly had. Why are you being this crazy obsessive? That is not the way to win anyone over. Are you really this dense? This is so stupid. It is like High School Drama. Stop being such a bitch and realize it won't happen. Some people just aren't meant to date. Stop acting like your the only one who has ever been rejected in all of time. Just stop.
 
ANYWAYS! :-)

I move in tomorrow and am so pumped. I don't really see myself spending a lot of time at my house. I'll try for a bit cause Nick and Stevan will be there. . . But I'm just really excited to spend all my time with the Freshies. I'm excited!!!!! then monday Paige and Katie get there. It will just be everything that is right. You always see in movies and read in books about people having their "group" in college. I know it is just stories but I really feel like I found my people. All of us are just SOOO different, but when we get together it is like I'd rather be with nobody else in the world. I'm so glad I decided to come to GVSU. I can't wait. I was so excited last night I couldn't sleep so I packed until like 6 in the morning. AHHHH whoop whooop!


p.s. watch out paige. According to your stalker. . . I am your dream guy . . .  hahahahhahahaha

I may have just blown up on that last one .... haha by bad, but that doesn't mean it's not true.

ANYWAYS :)

So I am getting so pumped to see GV kids. OK let me explain. Yesterday my mom asked me, on the way home from who my best friend is. . . I had to think about it for a long time. Then I kinda had a bad feeling in my tummy :( I realized that I blew off my "best friend" last year for the second have of the year. On top of that, it wasn't that I had a best FRIEND I had best FRIENDS. I group of 3 other people that really completed what we were. We all were pretty different, but in the perfect ways. Then I ran away. That is what I do I guess. Whenever I get really close to people I run. I'm trying really hard this year not to do that. Hopefully they will let me back in with open arms. I want nothing more that to see them every day for the school year. I miss everything from laying in the sun to playing hide and seek with them. I miss eating with them almost every meal. I really miss Andrew, Joe, and Paige. I miss what we all were together.

P.s. I'm not saying that there were other people there that made me happy. It just felt to me like that was the core of it.

You are too obsessed. At this point, we are just living together, nothing more. All you do is talk about how crazy you are about her and whatnot. Its border line creepy. If your not excited or don't want to live with us? fine man. Find a new place to live.  Yeah by the way, great to know that all of us here who have been here your whole life mean nothing to you. Thanks man. Your such a good friend. One better: your such a good person!
Fuck you